T.O.P, "The reason I’ve become such a workaholic.." part4]
Reminder: TOP’s Star Diary series is written from his point of view.

I’m normally the type to have mood swings, but I think I became more so while filming Into the Gunfire. It was difficult for me personally, but I think it was also hard for my manager, who had to put up with me. I am incredibly sorry and grateful.

People ask me, ‘What kind of person are you?’ but I don’t really know myself. I don’t like being so-called 4-dimensional. It’s because it could seem like I’m floundering in narcissism. Because I have a job that receives a lot of attention from people I do believe that I should have some degree of uniqueness, but I don’t want to be so lost in my own world.

I’ve received a lot of influence from my maternal grandfather, who was a writer. I enjoy writing rap lyrics and writing in a journal. I’ve started up writing journal entries again these days.

I don’t want to live in isolation, but I do often think that I want to live freely. Especially when I was younger, I’d want to run away to any place. Without even knowing from what, I’d just want to run away. Honestly, I hardly ever went to school.

Is it because I think that I hadn’t lived diligently at that time. After making my debut, I hardly took a break. I’m making an effort to become upright. I think it’s a problem of my conscience. As more people begin to like me, I become more careful and optimistic. As I go about doing my job and as the people who like and care for me increases, I learn how to care for myself.

I’m happy because I have lost myself in my work. When I look back, it’s not that I had done bad things, but I get the feeling that I was unable to finish the work that I had to do. I was always writing rap lyrics and lost in music ever since I was little. It may be that I am working like a workaholic now as a reflection on those times.

I don’t want to be set in stone. In any case, I am a musician, and I need to have freedom when I’m on stage. I have to be able to be unpredictable in order to show others a different world.

ford�t�sa:

TOP "Az�rt lettem ilyen munkam�ni�s .." part4]
Eml�keztet�: Top Star Napl�-sorozat �rt az � szempontj�b�l.

�n �ltal�ban a t�pus, hogy a hangulatingadoz�sok, de azt hiszem, lett, ann�l is ink�bb, m�g a forgat�s Into a l�v�seket. Neh�z volt sz�momra, de azt hiszem, ez is neh�z az �n menedzser, aki tenni velem. �n hihetetlen�l szomor� �s h�l�s.

Az emberek megk�rdezik: "Milyen ember vagy te?", De �n nem igaz�n tudom magam. Nem szeretem, hogy az �gynevezett 4-dimenzi�s. Az�rt, mert �gy t�nhet, mint �n vagyok a verg�d� �nim�dat. Mert van egy munk�m, hogy kap egy csom� figyelmet az emberek azt hiszem, hogy �n kellett volna n�mi egyedis�g, de nem akarom, hogy �gy elvesznek a saj�t vil�gomba.

Ive 'kapott sok befoly�sa az �n anyai nagyap�m, aki �r�. Szeretem �r�sban rap sz�vegeket �s �r�sban a lapban. M�r elindult �r�sban napl�bejegyz�sek �jra ezekben a napokban.

Nem akarok �lni elszigetelten, de �n gyakran azt gondolj�k, hogy akarok �lni szabadon. K�l�n�sen akkor, amikor fiatalabb voltam, �n akarna szaladni b�rhov�. An�lk�l, hogy tudta abb�l, amit, �n csak akar-hoz fuss el. �szint�n sz�lva, �n alig j�rt iskol�ba.

Tal�n az�rt, mert azt hiszem, hogy �n m�g nem �ltem szorgalmasan abban az id�ben. Miut�n �n deb�t�lt, alig volt egy kis sz�netet. Csin�ltam egy er�fesz�t�s lesz egyenes. Azt hiszem, ez a probl�ma a lelkiismeretem. Ahogy egyre t�bben kezdenek, mint �n, �n is �vatosabb �s optimista. Ahogy megyek a munk�mat v�gzem, �s mint az emberek, akik szeretnek �s gondoz�sa nekem n�, azt megtudhatja, hogyan t�r�dik magam.

Boldog vagyok, mert elvesztettem magam a munk�m. Amikor n�zek vissza, ez nem az �n tett rosszat, de �gy �rzi, k�ptelen voltam befejezni a munk�t, amit tennem kellett. �n mindig �r�sban rap sz�vegeket, �s elvesztette a zene az�ta is kicsi voltam. Lehet, hogy �n dolgozom, mint egy munkam�ni�s, mint most a reflexi� az id�ben.

Nem akarom, hogy k�be v�sve. Minden esetben, �n vagyok a zen�sz, �s azt kell, hogy a szabads�g, ha �n vagyok a sz�npadon. Nekem van ahhoz, hogy kisz�m�thatatlan, hogy mutatnak m�soknak m�s vil�g.